Agnes nearly choked on her cucumber sandwich. “A what, Mildred?” she spluttered, wiping a stray bit of dill mayo from her chin.
Mildred, beaming like a newly polished teapot, repeated, “A speed dating event! For our reunion lunch…WITH A TWIST! The Community Centre’s doing one, and I thought, why not?”
The annual “Golden Girls” luncheon was usually a sedate affair: reminiscences about daring hairdos from the 70s and polite nibbling of vol-au-vents. This year, Mildred had clearly decided to spice things up.
Ethel, who was partially deaf and thought Mildred had suggested competitive knitting, chimed in, “Oh, I’m rather good at knitting! I made a tea cozy shaped like the Queen once.”
“No, Ethel, not knitting!” Agnes sighed, “Dating! As in, romantic encounters!”
Ethel’s eyes widened. “Good heavens! At our age? I’d forgotten how!”
The day arrived. The Community Centre was festooned with slightly deflated balloons. Agnes, Mildred, and Ethel, armed with name tags and nervous smiles, sat at a table. A young man, barely out of his twenties and looking deeply uncomfortable, blew a whistle.
“Okay, ladies, gentlemen! Three minutes per date! Let the awkwardness commence!”
Agnes was first. A gentleman with a comb-over and a hearing aid regaled her with tales of his prize-winning geraniums. Mildred was propositioned to invest in a “groundbreaking” Tupperware pyramid scheme. Ethel, meanwhile, was telling her partner about the time she accidentally entered a ferret into a dog show.
Then came the twist. During the next rotation, Agnes found herself facing Mildred. “Mildred?” she asked, bewildered.
“Agnes!” Mildred gasped. “Fancy seeing you here! I thought this whole thing was a disaster! Nobody seems interested in my collection of commemorative teaspoons.”
Agnes leaned closer, lowering her voice. “Actually,” she whispered, “I’ve always admired your spoon collection.”
Mildred’s eyes lit up. “Really? You know, Bernard just kept calling them ‘dust-catchers’…” She paused, considering. “Agnes, after this is over, fancy skipping the prune juice and sharing a bottle of sherry? We could talk teaspoons…and maybe more?”
Agnes smiled. “Mildred,” she said, “this reunion lunch…WITH A TWIST! might be the best one yet!”
