A man was telling his friend about a trip he’d taken to New York City. “You won’t believe what happened,” he began, already halfway through a bagel. “I parked my car for five minutes—five!—just to run inside and grab a coffee. When I came back out, someone had stolen all four of my hubcaps.”
His friend raised an eyebrow. “Seriously? In five minutes?”
“Yup,” the man replied. “I thought it was a prank at first. I walked around the car three times, hoping I’d just parked next to an invisible curb thief. But nope—just four naked wheels staring back at me like they were embarrassed.”
“What did you do?”
“Well, I stood there holding my coffee, which suddenly felt very overpriced, wondering if I should report it. Then I noticed a note stuck to the windshield. I thought maybe the thief had left an apology or a list of black-market hubcap buyers.”
“What did the note say?”
“It said, ‘Thanks for the donation. Next time, get rims worth stealing.’”
His friend nearly spit out his drink. “Wait—they insulted your hubcaps while stealing them?”
“Exactly! That’s the worst part. I wasn’t just robbed—I was critiqued. Apparently, even my car accessories aren’t cool enough for New York thieves.”
He sighed dramatically. “I called the police, and the officer on the phone said, ‘Were they fancy?’ I said, ‘They were shiny.’ He said, ‘That’s a no, then.’ And then he told me to take the subway next time.”
His friend shook his head, laughing. “Only in New York.”
“Yup. Lesson learned. Now I drive with a sign on my car that says, ‘Warning: Hubcaps are emotionally sensitive. Do not judge.’”
The moral? Never underestimate New York thieves—they’re fast, efficient, and apparently also fashion critics.
